Feeling Lost.

I get inspiration from everyone, and everything around me. This time, it's Youtube, Will Darbyshire to be exact. You can find his video about feeling lost here.

After high school, at the age of 19, I went straight to college to become a kindergarten teacher. Long story short, I dropped out because it just wasn't my thing. Instead I got a job in a kindergarten ( oh, the irony!), I stayed there for almost four years. I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I still don't, to be honest. Though I've started to narrow it down a bit.

Last october I decided that I wanted to go back to school, and as the impulsive person I am I could not wait another minute! It was now or never, so to speak. This is where online classes come in. I sent in a application, paid an absurd amount of money for something I could have gotten for free had I waited another nine months. But who's got time for that?  I've always been interested in food, and how food can make you sick/better. Can food substitute medisine? I find this subject so fascinating! An that is the short version of the story of why I'm studying to become a nutrionist.

Yesterday I got an exam back. I got a C.. And all of a sudden I'm like; Meh.. Do I really want to go to school? Am I really THAT interested in this? I felt like all my hard work and my effort wasn't worth it. In all honesty, I was devastated. I know I might come off as if I don't really care. But I do in fact spend day and night studying by myself. Just because I spend a couple of hours around noon doing other things, like struggling with getting my photos edited exactly how I want them to look, does not mean that I don't put in an effort at all when it comes to school, because I do.

 Pretending like I don't care is my safety-net, if things don't go my way, no one will ever know how much I actually wanted it to happen. Except for me, I'll know.

Fast forward to a pep talk from the current love of my life, and I'm feeling better. It's just a C. My first C, it's not to bad. And should I want to, I can always retake the test. No biggie. I realise now that I sound like an absolute basketcase. I'm not, I promise. Or maybe I am, who really knows anymore? This was not where I wanted to go with this post. What I do know; is that I'm going to take my teacup back to the couch, read another few pages about muscles, and then call it a night.

 

This is a photo that has got nothing to do with anything.