15 Things day 22 | Last minute halloween costume ideas

 

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Pets

I'm not good at having my camera handy, so if something happens I might have to snap a photo with my phone (which is shit if there isn't good lighting). Note to self: keep camera around at all times. These photos are of my pets, and I feel like this is the first step to full on catlady.. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Some of these are photos I've taken with my camera, but most of them are from my phone. I did want the photos I share here to be a bit higher quality, but these are just too damn cute not to share. So I'm making a one time exception.

Difference of opinion

Some people can't handle the fact that others don't share their views and and perspectives on different matters. They become upset if your opinion is different than theirs, and if you have a way with words and can speak your case you might, just might,  have ruined their entire week.

I'm a Christian, I believe in God and I try to live by the values of the bible. Now, I'm not a fanatic, nor do I go to church ever or preach the word of the Lord to everyone who doesn't want to hear it. I've also been living with a man I'm not married to for the past four years, but that's a story for another day.  I won't push my opinions on you, and I expect the same in return. I don't understand what makes people think that belittling your views and opinions is in any way OK. Because it's not. At all. Telling me that god does not exist won't make say; "well, okay then! I'm Atheist now". It's a matter of respect. I respect that you don't believe, I just wish these people would respct the fact that I do and just leave it at that. Not every single Christian is a judgemental arse by the way, just saying.

It doesn't end at religion. Off the top of my head I can list Rasicm, Politics and personal taste as things I don't expect others to share my views on, and that I know some people will expect that I do share theirs. Honestly, if you can't respect that you and I have different views on things then I really don't understand why we're talking to each other. I don't need that in my life at all. By the way, if you've EVER started a sentence with "I'm not a racist, but..." then yes you are, little bit. A little bit racist.

Just imagine how boring life would be if everyone agreed on everything. Think of those politic debates, can you say party? "We believe this and that!" "we agree!"....... well, that would be fun!

This weekend.

Some days are better than others. If you're struggling with anxiety it's no different. This weekend I've been in a place of judging myself hard. Every word I say or every thing I do goes under a microscope of "who's gonna hate me for speaking those words, or for doing it that way or for simply being?" I feel judged by everyone, I mean why did the lady at my local store smile at me while I was buying 4 danish pastries? Did she think I was going home to eat them alone like the pig she's probably sure I am? I swear to god I almost cried then and there. Now that my panic attack is over I understand that she was just being nice and probably didn't look my way twice, but I hope you see where I'm going with this.

That is why my posts have been on the darker side of things this weekend, I tend to go there when my anxiety is bad. What can I say? It's one of the curveballs life throws at you. I choose to look at it as a quirk about my personality that the people I let in see as cute and not to very disturbing. Though I do try to spare them from most of it, and fight some of my battles solo.

True story: I once had a major panic attack because I thought I had depression. This was around the time I found out that what I had was actually anxiety so I googled it, which I regret to this day. Dr. Google kindly informed me that a lot of people with anxiety also had depression, and I started looking for signs. I actually sat there, in front of my computer thinking about whether I might have depression or not. I had been feeling a bit down, and this happend to be at a time my anxiety was bad. So I started crying, absolutely positive that I was depressed. Long story short; I don't have depression. Like any other humanbeing I have good times and bad times, and just because I have anxiety doesn't mean that I'm also depressed.

When I'm having a panic attack, especially if I'm in public I'm fighting those tears so hard, but I've found ways of not letting it show on the outside. Sometimes I win that battle, sometimes I lose it. I used to worry about being perseived as weak for crying in front of others, now I just think; fuck it. If they think I'm weak, let them. Chances are; they haven't been in a similar situation before. And for that I'm happy for them, I don't wish this on anyone.

It's exhausting having those thoughts, but I'm working through it one day at a time. I don't have as many panic attacks as I used to. The lump of anxiety in my belly isn't there all the time anymore and I have found ways of dealing with how I turned out to be in a way that works for me at this moment in time. It is a lot easier knowing what this is, instead of wondering what's wrong with me. I'll admit it was easier when I thought this was something everybody was dealing with. The time in between finding out not everybody felt that way and finding out why I was, was hard, but I got through it. You can't let it consume you. Bad times pass and luckily I have more good days than bad days.

 

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