Living in black and white.

Some people like living from day to day, not knowing what might happen or what new and exiting adventures lie around every corner. They love with all their heart and embrace every part of who they are. They're not afraid of getting hurt, and throw themselves into new and exiting projects, sometimes before they have time to finish the last one. They travel the world with nothing more than they can fit into a backpack and they have an amazing time. They tell amazing stories, both from their personal life and everything they have seen and done. They share of themselves with every part of their being.

 I wish I was one of those people, I really do. Not knowing what today or tomorrow brings give me anxiety. And traveling the world without knowing where I'm going, how I'm going to get there and the possibility to pack for everything from ice-age to tropical heat? Forget it. Not happening anytime soon. This is why I like lists, I can collect my thoughts, plan ahead and be prepared. I don't like to over share, and I absolutely don't like people knowing every little thing there is to know about me.

I'd like to be able to let go a bit and see where the day takes me, but to be honest I quite like being that way as well. A golden middle would be ideal. I'm not saying I have every part of my day planned, but I like to have a plan with what I'm doing. These days it's mostly studying and household chores, exiting things..

I'm not Charlie.

"I thought I was. But even though I support freedom of speech 100%, I'm not willing to offend others for it.  I'm not willing to risk my life for it. I'm not willing to put those I love and live around in harms way for it. I'm not provocative or brave enough to be Charlie." - Kristiane Aateigen said it perfectly.

I'm torn these days. I'm thankful for living in calm, small Norway. I feel guilty for being thankful. I'm wishing there was something I could offer other than my deepest sympathy. And I'm scared that Norway might be a target.

I'm taken back to July 22nd 2011 and I'm so scared something like that, or worse will happen again. I know I can't go around being scared all the time, but when something like this happens it hits so close to home and just the thought of someone I love being hurt or killed chills me to the core. It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from. It's a constant feeling of being cold, with no way to get warm.

Take care of yourselves and each other, France. I'm with you in thought. X