.

Once a month I turn into a bitch (not saying I can't be bitchy the rest of the month, but I make more of an effort at that specific time). Premenstruella comes to visit and all of a sudden EVERYTHING is wrong. The way my boyfriend breathes on the other side of the room for instance, or how he slams the door EVER MORNING (this actually bothers me no matter what time of the month it is, but I only yell at him for it when my inner bitch arrives). The color of our toilet-seat can also be wrong as I have just decided I want it to be made of wood and, say, a dark-stained color. The house is to cold and I don't care how full our fridge is, we have NOTHING edible in our house. I'm bored with winter and want it to be summer, and maybe I'll cry a bit because I just remembered that Bambi's mom died, and that poor Dumbo... My body aches and I feel a migraine coming on, and why did I turn the heating up? I'm BOILING. I don't care if it's not spring yet, the house is in desperate need of a spring cleaning, like right now. Mid clean I give up, this is to much to do by myself. And now the house is a mess, so I'll have another good cry while I dive into a box of ice-cream and watch sad movies on Netflix.

So if you thought I was an emotional wreck before, just wait till I meet you right before Auntie-Red comes for a visit.
X Godzilla

Saturday

I'm constantly torn between wanting to pour my heart out on this platform that is entirely my own, and not wanting to over-share. The thought of my deepest, darkest thoughts in the hands of someone I don't know give me anxiety attacks and heart palpitations. Like big time. I'm always trying to find a balance, and so far I haven't found it.

I'm currently recovering from the nastiest bug I've encountered in my adult life. Long story short; I threw up for fifteen hours straight and four days later I'm still nauseous and tired. Not loving life at the moment. Schoolwork is out of the question, my brain is on holiday somewhere in the Caribbean, so I've been dancing in my underwear and singing in the rain (the shower).

Happy weekend. C

 

Having to justify your every move.

I don't drink coffee, because I don't like the taste. It has nothing to do with my teeth getting brown. There are a lot health benefits to drinking black coffee, I know. But I don't like it.

How did it come to this? Having to justify your very action and decision. If you make a conscious effort of eating healthy your a fanatic. If you choose to eat most of your meals at McDonalds you're automatically labeled as both lazy and not caring about your own health and well-being. People are so quick to judge and come to their own conclusions without knowing the whole story, and even though it shouldn't bother me, it does. I don't like feeling like I have to justify eating healthy, not working out on a regular basis, not drinking coffee, and not drinking alcohol.

I don't hide the fact that I'm of a christian belief, nor that I don't drink alcohol. But those two facts about me have got nothing to do with each other. I used to drink alcohol, and then I stopped. I don't drink alcohol because A) it gives me one hell of a migraine and B) I don't like the feeling it gives me, or the taste of it. 

I eat to much or not enough, I drink way to much water and I should drink more of it. I should lose weight, I should just tighten up a bit. I wear to much black or grey and I should wear heels more often. It seems everyone has something to say about the way others look, behave and treat themselves. This year I'm going to try to shut those people out, listen to my gut and eat what I want, wear what I want and do the things I want to do. Everyone else can do whatever they want as far as I'm concerned (-:

Feeling Lost.

I get inspiration from everyone, and everything around me. This time, it's Youtube, Will Darbyshire to be exact. You can find his video about feeling lost here.

After high school, at the age of 19, I went straight to college to become a kindergarten teacher. Long story short, I dropped out because it just wasn't my thing. Instead I got a job in a kindergarten ( oh, the irony!), I stayed there for almost four years. I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I still don't, to be honest. Though I've started to narrow it down a bit.

Last october I decided that I wanted to go back to school, and as the impulsive person I am I could not wait another minute! It was now or never, so to speak. This is where online classes come in. I sent in a application, paid an absurd amount of money for something I could have gotten for free had I waited another nine months. But who's got time for that?  I've always been interested in food, and how food can make you sick/better. Can food substitute medisine? I find this subject so fascinating! An that is the short version of the story of why I'm studying to become a nutrionist.

Yesterday I got an exam back. I got a C.. And all of a sudden I'm like; Meh.. Do I really want to go to school? Am I really THAT interested in this? I felt like all my hard work and my effort wasn't worth it. In all honesty, I was devastated. I know I might come off as if I don't really care. But I do in fact spend day and night studying by myself. Just because I spend a couple of hours around noon doing other things, like struggling with getting my photos edited exactly how I want them to look, does not mean that I don't put in an effort at all when it comes to school, because I do.

 Pretending like I don't care is my safety-net, if things don't go my way, no one will ever know how much I actually wanted it to happen. Except for me, I'll know.

Fast forward to a pep talk from the current love of my life, and I'm feeling better. It's just a C. My first C, it's not to bad. And should I want to, I can always retake the test. No biggie. I realise now that I sound like an absolute basketcase. I'm not, I promise. Or maybe I am, who really knows anymore? This was not where I wanted to go with this post. What I do know; is that I'm going to take my teacup back to the couch, read another few pages about muscles, and then call it a night.

 

This is a photo that has got nothing to do with anything.